Anatomy of the Ignorant

It’s difficult to be me in this day and age. By 'me' I do mean me; Yasmin. For every twenty guy's guy there is only one girlie girl. Me. Is it because I’ve had positive male influences in my life? I’m not sure but I’ve had my share of heartache from men. Just because I don’t watch documentaries about the Vagina Monologues or follow Fatima Bhutto on Twitter doesn’t mean I don’t respect the Feminist Movement. Did I miss the feminist initiation in college? Because who wouldn’t want to hang out with a bunch of angry females?

I wasn’t the politically aware one in college. I was the girl who was never without a boyfriend. I can’t even remember being single since my 7th birthday and then the boyfriend train never stopped. His name was Zeeshan and we would sit together during the school's midday break. That started in the spring when he sat down next to me and I never told him not to. Until that summer when we broke up with me, well it wasn’t actually much of a break up, he just decided to sit next to some other girl when school reconvened and I never got the hint... even all these years later. That’s why people who say, “I want to be alone for some time” don’t make much sense to me, I mean maybe I’m just not interesting enough to be by myself. I embraced every interest that any boyfriend has had. I’ve dated a vegan also means I’ve been a vegan for the duration of the relationship.

This is why women don’t like me very much at least not the new fangled women. Is it wrong to support a man’s interest? Plus you always have someone to do stuff for you. Though many may argue that this is against everything that women have worked so hard to achieve I just think while women were working hard men were becoming lazier. They don’t even have to try too hard to bed anyone because it's supposed to be liberating to let people see what you look like without your clothes. I didn't know liberating also meant embarrassing, may be it's just me. I'm still learning. Baby steps, Yasmin! Baby steps!

So how does a girl like me who's never been without a number of potential Mr.Rights judge sexual libertines? I have a system and it works for me. A lady never tells. Let's just say I like to give those lazy guys a bit of a challenge and reward subsequent efforts with woolen mittens. I'll hear you out, I mean I respect people's opinions and their ideas and where those ideas originate but in the end I just don't care.

I rather make my guy's dinner than have him take me to Flo. So I decided that I'd try something new. I had my 30th birthday recently and the time to start over is now! Burn bridges or in this case, bras!

GAME PLAN
Step 1: Break up with boyfriend
Step 2: Be Profound
Step 3: Repeat steps 1 & 2

Since my hopes of marriage have been dashed this can be a new hobby. Zainab will be so upset that I haven't discuss this with her first but this is the new feminist approach of grabbing the bull by its balls. I'm sure the first thing she'll ask me is if my new boyfriend is a feminist. Ha! That should be a Burger Tips tee-shirt (no affiliation btw)! Feminist men are oxymorons! It'll be in pink and the O will be that feminine stick figure symbol. Oh no laughing, I'm a feminist now, I must read up on foreign policy and the newest way to free women who are oppressed behind veils and stoves, to let them run free without bras from the tangles of their oppressor's beards.
I'd have to give up my passion for knitting and needle point embroidery because that would mean the terrorists have won. Oh, and no more TV dramas since they are the manifestation of our archaic patriarchal system that we (women crusaders) are fighting against. As a new outlet for my creativity it would have to be within the realms of social media like a Tumblr account with feminist quotes on images of Georgia O'Keefe's paintings of "flowers".

Yes, I can see it happening very clearly: rallies, sit-ins, protests, oh my!

Step 4: Stock up on kholapuris and Hashmi surma.